Sacred Woman in the making,
Sacred Woman Reawaken,
Sacred Spirit, hold me near,
Protect me from all harm and fear, beneath the Stones of life.
Direct my steps in the right way as I journey through this vision,
Surround me in your most absolute perfect light.
Annoint me in your Sacred Purity,
And divine insight
Bless me, truly bless me, as I share this Sacred Life.
Teach me, Sacred Spirit, to be in tune with the Universe
Teach me how to heal with my inner and outer elements of air, fire, water, and Earth. “
11/21/17-11/22/17 written journal entries.
“My thoughts seem radical and irrational at first and at times. I would drive myself crazy trying to change my thought process.
I would ask myself, “‘Why am I feeling this way?’ ;’Why are my thoughts like this?’ ; ‘ Is my mind sick?’ ‘Nobody understands me.’
The frustration would rise as my thoughts became more complex. Or were they sporadically splattered and floating in a maze of brain waves? Not so complex, just different, just off focus, needs fixing. And purpose. And thought.
I know what I want, how to get it, and where it is; my purpose. I lack patience, but I’m working on it daily. Breathing out my tension in Fire Breaths. Relaxing my aura because it need not shine at every moment. It may be dim at times and that’s okay, it’s at deep rest.
I need confidence that every obstacle will come to pass. And once that obstacle has passed, I need to overcome the damage the obstacle caused, whether it be a scrape of the knee or a travesty. I need to wash it off my skin. Then, I can sprout and grow. Nothing is holding me down anymore. IM NOT HOLDING ME BACK ANYMORE. It’s time to get out of the mud.
I want my own natural hair care business. I’m going to get it. I have talent, the knowledge, the thirst to learn more knowledge and compassion to share it. Business cards are being made, and clientele is coming back. True Profit will come surely. An uncluttered mind and a sound soul equals greatness.
Patience and Meditation will assist in achieving these goals. I have my Sacred Space in where I meditate and listen to my calming music of Zen and flutes and singing bowls and vibrational lifting. This is a priority. Journal writing is a priority. Having a sound soul is priority. Even if I am re writing 10 Positive Affirmations, I am still much closer to manifesting my dreams into reality than if I didn’t write it again after the first time. ”
The evil veil in this world is lifting. The key to not being affected by those entities is having higher vibrations flowing from your mind. Higher than the evil. I do not need to even interact with them!
But remember evil energy flows in a 5th dimensional space as well and cam latch onto negative thought. Don’t numb yourself. Don’t zombify your muscles and brain cells. Don’t fall into the black hole.
Control and master your Spiritual Discernment, no matter the religious preference practiced behind it. Luciferian Energy takes hold in anyway it can to survive. Don’t let it leech on to your Beauty. What is your Satan? Kick it out of your world, shake it off your iron shirt, and Chase them Devil’s out of Earth!. “
So, I haven’t published a blog entry in awhile, but I have been writing in my journal. I haven’t really read what I write, which I don’t understand why. Am I ashamed of my thoughts and writing? Or did my feelings become numb over time? Whose to tell or really know the answer. ( I’m an over-thinker)
Re-reading some of my written journal entries from last month is helping me to find the answers I’m searching for. And as I make notes on the side, scratch out misspelled words, and fix run-ons, (or keep them), I see how I grow and evolve.
‘Sometimes, I have so much on my mind, I don’t know what to write. My thoughts get scrambled and I worry all my issues into one giant pot. I don’t want to feel overwhelmed. Why can’t life be comforting? Not just comfortable situations here and there;quick smoke breaks that leave me light-headed and lighter-hearted. Legit happiness pursued, grasped, and lived.
Dissect the game if you have to;the plan; the mind. How am I going to be successful? Kendrick Lamar feeds my pen right now, as his lyrical lips whisper in my ear” Thug Amendments” of ‘How to pimp a Butterfly.’ The lyric that stood out to me in ‘Hood Politics’ , “Priorities fucked up, Ya energies all wrong nshit.”
Bob Marley cries out, ” If you’re not happy, you must be blue.”
Tupac raps to “Keep Ya Head Up”
Sade coos for me to “Feel no Pain” , so what do you think they are all trying to say!!
Success begins with me. Realigning my chakras of happiness and contentment. Redirecting my energy towards meaningful aspirations and goals. ”
And that starts today on 12/16/17.
Negative Thoughts affect me on a daily basis. Do they affect you?
I don’t activate them in my brain, they just come to. Is this true for you?
A positive light drowns in negative sorrow.
Overwhelming visions of yesteryear destroying a prosperous tomorrow.
Personal bullying and, ” No you can’t do thats” pop up like mold, suffocating my daily positive affirmations.
Deteriorating my health, I feel like a sick patient.
“What will they think if they see my ugly mole when I blink?”
“Is the gap between my teeth too wide for your phone screen? ”
“Does the pimple on my cheek distract you from my intellect?”
“Can you see my oxymoronic, blasphemous, second-guessing mindset?
I can’t even rhyme.
I’m losing my mind.
I just know its time.
For something else. To knock the negativity off my shelf.
To bury insecurity in a pine box. I pray they shrivel up and die and rot.
O, I’m done. I just wanna know….Can I stay positive?
How can I continue to live a healthy life if I’m in the business of selling junk food? This question runs through my mind daily as I push the Coke or Dr. Pepper button to produce an acidic, toxic waste into a cup as I point the customer to where the pot roast and yeast rolls are.
I have worked in the food industry for going on 10 years now. From breakfast diners in the hood to buffet steak houses and Applebees, I have been a part of up saleing and distributing unhealthy foods to the public. I dont know why recently I have been feeling so guilty for doing so. I have never actually told someone to come into a restaurant I work at and be a regular customer to digesting dairy products and savory meats, soaking up all the tasty GMOs this side of town has to offer. These people have chosen to come in on their own accord. With their families, or by themselves, or on a date, they come into MY section requesting extra sugar and cheese to fill their tummies.
But the truth is, the more I continue to work in unhealthy restaurants, the more intense the guilty feeling dwells in my being, causing me to be miserable at work as I sip on my lemon water and try to ignore the smell of steak and sauteed mushrooms with mashed potatoes on the side, topped with shredded cheese and bacon bits. I was feeling guilty not only because I was selling junk to the public but I was lying to myself as well. I told myself that I can’t live without a juicy burger dripping from my lips and soda was the liquid of precious gold. I, was so unhealthy in the way that I ate and whats worse is I tried to be in denial of it and confused that I could not drop any weight. And then when I got home, I would drown my sorrows in a beer, then commenced to throwing my fat stomach around in the mirror reflection, further tormenting my self-esteem and mental/spiritual happiness.
So, where does that leave me now? I’m still working at a place that sells junk food, yet at night, I am gathering with Vegan bloggers and talking on Vegetarian chat groups on Facebook and screen shotting tasty pictures of vegan food in different restaurants around the country. I am making green smoothies, blended with fruits and veggies sometimes twice a day for the last month. I am doing more journal work to help discover my true purpose. I am being more silent in my solitude to hear myself better.
I am transforming into a Vegan Butterfly.
Changing from a heavily based meat and starch diet to a plant -based one can be difficult. I find that out every day just how hard it is as I search for something to eat. But what I have learned to do and am still in the process of strengethening is the effect my taste buds has on my brain. Sometimes I can hear my tongue screaming to my brain,” You need sugar.! You need sugar! You Need sugar!! Put extra salt on that taco meat and sprinkle cheese on it like fairy dust. U know u want that pork chop with that egg with that pancake with that cow’s milk floating in sweet coffee.”
“STOP!!!!” I have finally had enough. I have to yell at my inner self to stop being weak for poison. The after affect is not worth the delicious familiar goodness of GMO foods in my being.
Am I the only one who feels this way that is a transitioning Vegan?
I found what makes it easier to crave healthy foods is images. Lots and lots of images. I have an App called Pinterest that is like a search engine with bulletin board posts and images and “how to” tutorials of just anything one can think of. I downloaded the app initially when I wanted to research different gods and goddesses in Ancient Khamitic practices. Then my search on Pinterest expanded everyday thereafter. I would be curious how to do a pin up dreadlock style and I’d find the idea on Pinterest, or I would be looking for a funny meme and immediate images would fill my phone screen.
So I got to thinking, I want to look up some healthy dishes. So I started with one healthy ingredient in the search bar like Garbanzo beans or Mushrooms or Flax seeds for example, and down pops 100s of dishes, ways to eat this ingredient, and specific health benefits the food brings if digested regularly. I became healthier by the nanosecond, simply by reading about healthy foods.
I started to research healthy cookbooks and holistic living for hours, while still eating unhealthy. But what I was doing was training my brain to”Crave Healthy.” Id look up mouth watering smoothies and save them in a pinterest board or write it down in my journal and next thing I knew I was searching, in reality, for these recipies at the grocery store.”Lively up Yourself” as Bob Marley would say.
My trips to the store have improved more and more as the weeks go on. Yesterday at the grocery store, I bought NOTHING BUT Vegan, gluten free, and Organic foods. First time ever lol.
My stuggle for wanting a healthier eating lifestyle is now looking more promising now and I can see the transformational greatness already in my energy, attitude, skin and hair. I just have to keep pushing. Will you join me in my journey?
My wellness is internally sound. I just need to bring it out and into the open.
Spirit of Afrakan beauty, show me harmonious balance throughout the universe.
My womb is at peace, all diseases must vanish like a shell washing off the beach.
Wickedness! No longer exist in me!
My body colored in a spangling of a thousand Sirius stars, I shower you with inner peace.
As visions of dreams of goals of Abundant Life and blessing speak to me.
I now make it my business to heal you spiritually, mentally, and physically.
There are no limits as my Ancestors dance above the stars, burning their toes, exhaling speckles of wisdom here and there.
You shake this house!
You shake power into me and cleanse this toxic waste I am so heavy of!
Mucus, clotting, and stench must disappear, vanish, disintegrate, and a vast glory of righteousness shall appear. And it will grow.
You are so beautiful Nubia!!
What is religion?
What do I really need to believe in?
Am I really alone?
Or are spirits surrounding me?
Where are they?
Do I want to see them?
Can I handle it?
Can they handle me?
Can I devoke an invoking?
Can I stop once they really want me?
Is a piece of hair enough?
Or will they want more of my DNA to touch?
Can I just claim to want to be a part of an”ism”?
Or is there evidence needed to show my loyalty for my ‘ism’?
What is my”ism”?
Can I be an”ism”?
Or arent I enough?
My journal entry today was short and sweet. I wrote 10 affirmations and will repeat everyday to myself. Power of words can be healing if u allow it to be.
– I am Beauty
– I am Love
– I am an Intricate Spirit
– I am Divine
– I am a successful woman of color
– I am intelligent
– I speak myself into Power
– I am patient with my progress
– I am always growing
– I am exactly where I need to be