How can I continue to live a healthy life if I’m in the business of selling junk food? This question runs through my mind daily as I push the Coke or Dr. Pepper button to produce an acidic, toxic waste into a cup as I point the customer to where the pot roast and yeast rolls are.
I have worked in the food industry for going on 10 years now. From breakfast diners in the hood to buffet steak houses and Applebees, I have been a part of up saleing and distributing unhealthy foods to the public. I dont know why recently I have been feeling so guilty for doing so. I have never actually told someone to come into a restaurant I work at and be a regular customer to digesting dairy products and savory meats, soaking up all the tasty GMOs this side of town has to offer. These people have chosen to come in on their own accord. With their families, or by themselves, or on a date, they come into MY section requesting extra sugar and cheese to fill their tummies.
But the truth is, the more I continue to work in unhealthy restaurants, the more intense the guilty feeling dwells in my being, causing me to be miserable at work as I sip on my lemon water and try to ignore the smell of steak and sauteed mushrooms with mashed potatoes on the side, topped with shredded cheese and bacon bits. I was feeling guilty not only because I was selling junk to the public but I was lying to myself as well. I told myself that I can’t live without a juicy burger dripping from my lips and soda was the liquid of precious gold. I, was so unhealthy in the way that I ate and whats worse is I tried to be in denial of it and confused that I could not drop any weight. And then when I got home, I would drown my sorrows in a beer, then commenced to throwing my fat stomach around in the mirror reflection, further tormenting my self-esteem and mental/spiritual happiness.
So, where does that leave me now? I’m still working at a place that sells junk food, yet at night, I am gathering with Vegan bloggers and talking on Vegetarian chat groups on Facebook and screen shotting tasty pictures of vegan food in different restaurants around the country. I am making green smoothies, blended with fruits and veggies sometimes twice a day for the last month. I am doing more journal work to help discover my true purpose. I am being more silent in my solitude to hear myself better.
I am transforming into a Vegan Butterfly.
Changing from a heavily based meat and starch diet to a plant -based one can be difficult. I find that out every day just how hard it is as I search for something to eat. But what I have learned to do and am still in the process of strengethening is the effect my taste buds has on my brain. Sometimes I can hear my tongue screaming to my brain,” You need sugar.! You need sugar! You Need sugar!! Put extra salt on that taco meat and sprinkle cheese on it like fairy dust. U know u want that pork chop with that egg with that pancake with that cow’s milk floating in sweet coffee.”
“STOP!!!!” I have finally had enough. I have to yell at my inner self to stop being weak for poison. The after affect is not worth the delicious familiar goodness of GMO foods in my being.
Am I the only one who feels this way that is a transitioning Vegan?
I found what makes it easier to crave healthy foods is images. Lots and lots of images. I have an App called Pinterest that is like a search engine with bulletin board posts and images and “how to” tutorials of just anything one can think of. I downloaded the app initially when I wanted to research different gods and goddesses in Ancient Khamitic practices. Then my search on Pinterest expanded everyday thereafter. I would be curious how to do a pin up dreadlock style and I’d find the idea on Pinterest, or I would be looking for a funny meme and immediate images would fill my phone screen.
So I got to thinking, I want to look up some healthy dishes. So I started with one healthy ingredient in the search bar like Garbanzo beans or Mushrooms or Flax seeds for example, and down pops 100s of dishes, ways to eat this ingredient, and specific health benefits the food brings if digested regularly. I became healthier by the nanosecond, simply by reading about healthy foods.
I started to research healthy cookbooks and holistic living for hours, while still eating unhealthy. But what I was doing was training my brain to”Crave Healthy.” Id look up mouth watering smoothies and save them in a pinterest board or write it down in my journal and next thing I knew I was searching, in reality, for these recipies at the grocery store.”Lively up Yourself” as Bob Marley would say.
My trips to the store have improved more and more as the weeks go on. Yesterday at the grocery store, I bought NOTHING BUT Vegan, gluten free, and Organic foods. First time ever lol.
My stuggle for wanting a healthier eating lifestyle is now looking more promising now and I can see the transformational greatness already in my energy, attitude, skin and hair. I just have to keep pushing. Will you join me in my journey?